A woman described how a toxic workplace environment led her to doubt herself, believing for a long time that she was simply bad at coping with stress.
She recounted feeling anxious every Sunday evening about the week ahead. Her chest would tighten when certain emails appeared in her inbox. Before meetings, she would rehearse what she wanted to say, trying to avoid saying the wrong thing. She blamed herself, thinking she needed to be tougher, calmer, and more resilient because everyone else seemed to be managing.
From the outside, the organization appeared respected and the leadership team was admired. The person at the center of her stress was charismatic and highly regarded by others, which made it harder for her to trust her own experience. There was no obvious bullying or shouting. Instead, it was a slow accumulation of smaller things: conversations that left her feeling ashamed, criticism disguised as advice, and moments of confusion where she wondered if she had misunderstood what happened.
She was sometimes praised warmly and other times ignored or subtly undermined. Team dynamics left her feeling paranoid and excluded. The inconsistency kept her constantly trying to prove herself. She became more careful, accommodating, and self-critical, thinking that if she communicated perfectly and performed well enough, things would improve. Eventually, she realized she had started losing trust in herself. She second-guessed simple decisions, apologized constantly, and became emotionally exhausted from monitoring other people’s moods.
During a team meeting, she had a moment of realization. She saw that her work environment replicated her home environment growing up. The charismatic boss was like a narcissist, surrounded by enablers who minimized, justified, or excused the toxic behavior. She recognized it as narcissistic abuse in the workplace.
Looking back, she said unhealthy environments often condition people to disconnect from their own instincts. People become focused on keeping the peace, pleasing others, or avoiding criticism, and stop noticing what their mind and body are trying to tell them. The turning point came when a friend asked her if she actually felt safe there. She was surprised by the question because she had never thought about emotional safety at work. She assumed professionalism meant tolerating discomfort and pushing through.
She did not feel able to speak openly without consequences. She did not feel comfortable making mistakes. She did not feel calm or secure. Everyone competed for the approval of the boss, which she saw in hindsight was used strategically. Admitting that was painful, but it was the beginning of something important. For the first time, she stopped seeing her anxiety as personal failure and started recognizing it as information. Her body was responding to an environment that kept her in self-doubt.
Healing took time. She had to rebuild confidence and reconnect with her own voice. She stopped minimizing what she had experienced and stopped blaming herself for being affected by it. She noted that many people carry workplace experiences they have not fully acknowledged because the harm does not always look dramatic from the outside. Sometimes it looks like slowly becoming smaller, quieter, and more uncertain of yourself. Professional experience should increase confidence, not diminish it.
After she left the job, she felt almost instant relief, and her confidence and self-trust quickly returned. She realized it was not her fault. She was having an understandable response to being in a toxic situation with narcissistic dynamics. The experience helped her recognize these patterns later on when speaking to others who feel the same at work. She said it is not uncommon to find oneself in familiar dynamics, even at work, but what feels familiar is not necessarily healthy.
Dr. Sarah Davies, a chartered counseling psychologist and trauma therapist based in London, UK, authored the piece. She has written three self-help guides on recovery from narcissistic abuse and toxic relationships: How to Leave A Narcissist… For Good, Raised By Narcissists, and Narcissists At Work. Her website is drsarahdavies.com.
