“A big part of financial freedom is having your heart and mind free from worry about the what-ifs of life,” wrote Suze Orman.
During her upbringing, the author’s parents often fought about money because they did not have much of it. Her mother was a more occasional spender, while her father would go as far as making her wear shoes a size smaller to save money. This conflict created real tension in the home. Eventually, the father instructed the mother to give him her entire salary so he could manage it. She had to ask for an allowance even for items such as menstrual pads or coffee. Today, the author understands this dynamic as financial abuse.
When the mother left the father, supporting the family financially became very difficult because she was making less money than him while they were together. Even so, she wanted her children to have more. The author remembers a moment when she was 12 years old. Her mother took her to a clothing store called Mango. The author loved that store but could never buy anything there because it was outside their price range. She noticed a simple black sweater and fell in love with it. The sweater cost about $20, which was the budget for their weekly groceries. Like any child, she began begging her mother to buy it. Eventually, the mother gave in.
Standing by the register, the author looked at her mother and could see and feel the stress she was going through by spending $20 on a sweater she could not afford. The author’s excitement was replaced by profound guilt and shame that she was the reason her mother was stressed and sad. Although she did not realize it for many years, this was a defining moment. She unconsciously decided she was not deserving or worthy of having more money or making good money.
Years later, when the author began her healing work, she understood that such small moments shape how people see money, how they feel about it, and whether they believe they deserve it. At first, this seemed positive. In her 20s, she became an extreme saver. When she was 22, she moved to the United States. During her first year as an au pair, she lived with a generous family and still managed to save, believing she was good with money.
After that year, she moved to Florida on her own and started learning how the financial system works in the U.S. Her husband at the time told her she needed to build credit. So she got her first credit card. That was when her saving habits began to weaken. The standard of living she was used to in Slovakia was different because she was starting from zero. Working as a customer service representative, she spent on manicures, pedicures, haircuts, and living a high life because she was in America. Those expenses ate a large part of her earnings, leaving her with little at the end of the month.
The breaking point came with a tooth emergency. The author woke up with the right side of her face swollen and had to rush to the dentist. She had insurance but was unaware that a significant portion must be paid out of pocket. After the emergency was handled, she stood at the reception desk and handed over her insurance card. The receptionist looked at her and said, “Your total out of pocket is $1,600.” The author froze, with cold sweat on her anesthetized face. She did not have $1,600. The receptionist smiled and said they had a payment plan available. That was how the author’s path of debt cycles began.
She could blame the system or the bankers and lenders who freely offered money, but that was only a small part of the equation. After about eight years of personal loans, medical debt, a car loan, and about six credit cards, she hit rock bottom and filed for bankruptcy. One thing she could not understand was that she was responsible, reliable, and capable in other areas of her life, but when it came to money, she was failing horribly. Her payment history was perfect because she was a responsible borrower. She later joked that she was responsibly broke.
The bankruptcy was a turning point. Once her case was settled, she sat on her bed in her studio apartment and asked herself how she had gotten there. After reflection, she recognized three things. First, she had never healed her money blocks and beliefs, which affected her income level. Second, she refused to educate herself about money. Third, she used debt as a way to finance her lifestyle even though she could not afford it.
She made a commitment to never find herself in such a financial position again. She decided to face her fears head-on and bought her first financial book, “Total Money Makeover” by Dave Ramsey. One of the first steps in that book is to save the first $1,000. She could not see how she would do it, but she started with $50, then $100, $200, and within two months she saved her first $1,000. That achievement was less about money and more about self-trust and rebuilding confidence in her choices. She felt more capable and reliable when it came to money, a feeling she was not familiar with.
Step by step over the years, she made healthier financial choices. She opened her first brokerage account and started investing. No matter what points system a credit card company offers, she stays away from having any credit cards. Looking back at her journey of financial struggle and how it tied to her self-worth, she offers three pieces of advice about money.
Address your financial trauma
Whether people grew up with money or without it, many have financial limiting beliefs that hold them back. Five minutes in a clothing store with her mother at age 12 directed another 20 years of financial stress for the author. Money directly affects the nervous system as well as mental and emotional well-being. For people who are truly struggling or living at poverty level, financial stress is inevitable. But for many, a paycheck-to-paycheck lifestyle is a combination of bad financial habits, a negative relationship with money, and a lack of financial knowledge. Addressing the relationship with money helps not only understanding current financial situations but also uncovering deeper wounds such as feelings of unworthiness or a desire for validation. Money problems are often symptoms of a deeper issue.
Spirituality and money can coexist
The author grew up atheist, so when she started exploring spirituality later in life, she developed a certain obliviousness toward money. She saw it as something materialistic that did not belong in the spiritual world. She later realized that spirituality became another way to avoid her financial trauma, justifying that she was above money and could manifest her way out of being broke. Although she does not minimize the power of attraction and manifestation, she believes it is important to be practical and logical about finances. The hardest lesson was learning that she cannot reach higher states of consciousness or heal much of her trauma when she is stuck in constant survival mode with her nervous system paralyzed by fight-or-flight mode because she does not know how to pay rent next month. She argues that people must take care of survival aspects of life before they can dive deeper.
Learn about money
There are many negative financial stories and myths that keep people from learning about money. The author emphasizes that education is a key step in breaking the cycle of financial stress. Without knowledge, people repeat the same patterns. Learning about budgeting, saving, investing, and how credit works can give a person more control over their life. The author herself started with one book and gradually built her financial literacy. She now encourages others to seek out reliable sources of financial education, whether through books, courses, or trusted professionals. The goal is not to become an expert overnight but to take small steps toward understanding money better. As she learned, financial freedom comes not only from having money but from being free from worry about the what-ifs of life.